WALLS

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I know God loves me
But that’s because He is Him,
Gracious and Kind,
Love, He is
A mystery to be pondered for all of time
My parents love me
My brothers too
but they have to
Bound by life and blood

But how could anyone else love me?
My mind can’t fathom it
So here in stands a chasm
to any that would try 
This is my wall

I love too easily
Maybe selfishly
Maybe unselfishly
Only God knows
My heart feels a great deal
Even from the littlest thing
Though numbness abounds
Tender, my heart remains
I hide it away
Nevertheless,
Like a petal on the ground,
open it lays

So lies the cross
I always must bear
this is my wall

My mind spins .
Ceaseless
Endless
Repetitive.
Spirals and Circles
Wheels within wheels
Over and over
and
over again

conversations,
    both real and imaginary run on endless loop
Analysing the tiniest inflection
Pained from the conclusion

So my musings remain locked
As in a bag of tricks
Known only to the bearer
Here exists the solitude of a mind so ruptured
This is my wall

Beneath the sheen
beneath the lustre
emotions run wild
like a raging tempest
though sometimes I am but stone
so unfeeling
so untethered
but even then
a storm brews-unbridled
turbulent in nature
flooding through my veins

who could withstand such a force?
who would remain once they saw its magnitude
So no one do I care to invite
This is my wall

 

To all perfection, God sees a limit
Yet
perfection… my spirit doth seek
But it could never be gained
Not by me
Not by you
Not by anyone
For flaws do abound in their multitude
Yet I could not let you in on my imperfections
not even the ones shared by we all

How could you accept me ?
So skills I have gained
   in the construction of a façade perfect
This is my wall

Do not misunderstand
I am true
And what you see is as sure
    even as the earth
Yes the façade,the glazing do bear truth
But it is only a surface you see
   a surface and nothing more
True in all that it exudes,
  yet just a surface, a façade, a mist

So I refuse your insistence
and your mindless curiosity
to plunge the depths
and trample my heart
for no one is ready to see what lay behind the wall
oh so many walls

Yet One has
for Abba did thus love my heart
[so gently, so kindly, so undeservedly]
and drench my heart with His Love
And for all the imperfections of my heart
To Him it belongs
[a heart so ugly, so hard, so scarred]
and He loves it still
So Mighty He is
yet so tenderly He comes
In Him no walls exist
ye, they melt like wax

And He sets my heart free

 

 

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